Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
