Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
