I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and she was petting her beer can
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
