I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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