I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
