I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
