I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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