One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
