you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers