So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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