Pappa wants mamma naked
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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