Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
