We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
