would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I party with great urgency now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
