Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize