So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
