Don't make out with my wife yet
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
