This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
