Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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