its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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