Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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