Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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