I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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