If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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