Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
