On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
