I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
