Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
