she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
