sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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