I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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