listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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