Umm I'm too high to move.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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