shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My cat gives me a boner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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