made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize