my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
