Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
