he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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