Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
