Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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