Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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