just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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