4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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