Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
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That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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