I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
