And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
