Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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