Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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