clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I did not marry a roomba.
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