I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
