dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
