sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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