Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
