"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
