Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
