I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
