i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
