I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
