How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize