You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
