Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
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Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.