that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
