honey bunches of taint.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
