too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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