never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.