so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
