How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
