i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
