Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
