i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
