after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
