even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
