i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
