Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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